It's just a bit past noon. I am sitting on my mother's computer, she and my dad aren't here right now and I find that I have a moment to sit and think about what has happened the last few days. Maybe I should back up some, it's been a few months since I posted and I was very upset when I did. I am in a calm right now, and maybe my mind is clear enough to write what I am trying to convey.

My old guild is drama well gone; I have no regrets nor care about it. I still wish them nothing but the best, but I hope they do it over there and away from me. I really could care less for the drama; they can just keep it. The new guild I have found is wonderful, they are supportive and caring, and I think I have found some people there that I can really be friends with. Some that understand me.

Speaking of friends... I have hurt a person that I care about alot. I feel terrible. How do you explain to someone, that you know loves you, that what you have together can not work right now? How do you explain to someone, who doesn't want to listen to you, that there is nothing that can be done? We were night and day, in all things. When we were awake, when we slept, our political and religions views, our thoughts on entertainment, drinking, swearing, how we treated others around us... common ground was harder and harder to find, and I was feeling trapped. I don't want to fight and make things unhappy for us both, but leaving would make him unhappy so I lingered and grew distant. It was unkind, and unfair. I want to get involved again with the theater; I want to spend more time up at the school; I want to re-join APO(the honors society in the theater where I go to class) I want to get involved in the study abroad program and go to Ireland over the summer... I know they are all selfish desires, but this is my only chance! I was in school once before and lost my opportunities because I was selfless at a time I shouldn't have been. I won't make that mistake again, but it has cost me in another way and it hurts. I will be the bad guy again, I guess. I would like to be his friend, like we were before... maybe when I have less on my plate, in the future, if we've not found others by then... I don't know. Regardless, I wish him nothing but happiness, what ever path he chooses. He yelled at me the other night (over the chat in the game, but it counted) and made me cry. I hope it made him feel better, though I didn't yell back and that's what I think he wanted. He sent me a text in the middle of the night a few days later accusing me of playing WoW till 5AM on a school night.

He said I was in a battleground, but he should know me better then that by now. I do have to say, though, this brings me to the second thought that has been poking at my mind. The reason he thought I was on at 5AM is because a new, and very good, friend of mine was on my toon, helping me get points. My new friend knows that I HATE, with a passion, battlegrounds, and so offered to run them for me so he could heal himself. I have his account info, he has mine, and I think he and his wife are some of the most amazing people in my life right now. They are understanding, kind, and supportive. Every time I hesitate to do something, they are the ones to remind me I only live once, to put life and experience before all. They remind me everyday that that I have friends, who love me, right there when I need them. I thank them for that and they laugh, as if it's what they would do for anyone. Another very soft, very sweet friend has come into my life as well. She is younger then me, I'm not sure by how much, and reminds me a great deal of myself. I know she had gone though alot of heartache, and that she has feelings for someone in the guild right now. I would love to get to know her better, be a friend to her, and spend more time with her if I am able. She is in the guild now, and that will make it easier; most of the time that I am on the game it's to raid and so it's hard to spend time with people not in the guild.

School is going well, I have had my first round of tests and have gotten all of them back but history and math. Math I know I did very well on, history I am not as sure, and I can't wait to see them both. Of the ones I have gotten back, I am turning A's and B's. It makes me happy, I feel like I have been putting in alot of time up there, and it feels good knowing that I am on the right track grade-wise. I could go on for hours about my classes and feelings about them, but I have just looked back over all that I have written up to this point and feel I should stop for now. This post will be a long one as it is, and I am feeling better, so it's done what it was meant to do. I am going to go fold some laundry now and maybe take a quick nap; when my folks get home we are going to have a late lunch and then I will be heading back to my little apartment. I know my cat will be unhappy that I left him alone last night ans all of this morning.

Until then, thanks for reading!

<3 Lacy